Unschool to school and back again confusing musings

Unschooling is a fairly misunderstood concept in general. To really truly release all the shoulds tied up in their learning - and I believe the top down model of school based education is practically "should" central - requires significant introspection,  deschooling of oneself primarily and ones own fears and prejudices and engaging in full trust in the kids ability and willingness to learn what they need,  for their own purposes in their own time (on their clock not ours) and to partner in their learning, however unlike school it looks without judgement and to offer and strew resources and ideas.  I have found trust is the biggest thing,  and schools I have found are often based on not trusting that kids will learn without top down instruction,  carrots and sticks... so it flies against how most of us were "schooled". I have found on alot of the fb groups I have been on that many who believe they unschool are actually more relaxed homeschoolers - that need/ should to have the kids to a spot of LA and maths and THEN they can do whatever - oh - as long as it's "constructive" - whose to say what constructive is or looks like? From a more traditional perspective and less big space that looks like: reading,  creating (with physical things), art work, building (again,  with physical stuff)... etc etc.  From a bigger space, constructive can look like spending hours analysing how a YouTuber strategises his way across Minecraft,  or digging a hole outside or watching a movie and then playing randomly later that uses elements from that movie into their imagination... I have seen this over and over again since I started what I think of as my rebellious journey many years ago... it's happy,  relaxed,  chilled... some times you can see a way to squeeze their life into a curriculum std box on paper but mostly I didn't try to... So, from where I was 8 years ago as a confident unschooler to now as a confused fearful "No idea what honeschool box I fit in now" homeschooler... I need to look at what got into my headspace. It's really hard to implement stuff when you don't believe in curriculum standards  or any educational shoulds  - I am pretty left of centre (I just don't look like it!)!!

I need to drag out my John Holt books again and remind myself of my hearts beliefs. Nobody else can do that for me  and I know fb gps are going to confuse me more!